Boy or girl???

I took my mom to the doctor today. First I put her through a hellish night, though. It was revenge for her saying she's "over it" about hosting me for all this time. Really, it's not that nice to hear that you are wanted out of the only place you've ever called home just because someone is tired of carrying you around and having you suck the life out of them. It's not entirely my fault she's gaining weight, retaining water and has to pee every five minutes. She could eat and drink less if she really wanted to...And I won't even get into the things she has to say to me in the middle of the night while trying to situate her 123 pillows into some comfortable configuration. Don't think I don't know she scarfs down spicy food with no regard to my taste for it. Why do you think she eats so many Tums a day?

So what was the point of this post again? Oh yeah, we were at the doctor's office and the lady says, "You're having a girl?" This is the second time I've heard this while they are listening to my heartbeat. I guess girls have faster heartbeats than boys. I noted my mom got a little more excited when she heard this. I think she wants me to be a girl.

My parents were pretty adamant about not finding out what I am so even I don't know yet. Mom calls me "she" and Dad gets upset and says it would be better to call me "he" in case I'm a boy so I'm not confused about my sexuality later in life. Don't worry, Dad, I've seen you cross-dress in women's lingerie and be licked on the head by other similarly clad men so I doubt I'll be scarred for life by Mom calling me "she" instead of Lentil Bean every now and then. Then again, I may be scarred by you two constantly talking to me in strange voices and calling me Lentil.

Any predictions from folks who've seen me or Mom on what you think I'll be? Maybe we should start a pool or something to make it more sporting? I know the first thing I plan to do when I come out is look down and see what all the fuss is about.