The Adventures of Princess Awesome

Big Blue, a redneck and some cheep thrills

2009-03-20T15:07:00.000-07:00

Remember last month when I thought a my first red wagon was the best thing ever? Well, move over little red, big blue is in the house - and he's got horsepower!That's right, my parents got a tractor. So far only me and my dad have driven it but my mom says we'll be "tearing up the place" next week while my dad goes away on a "business trip" to Maui. Poor guy...Check it out, I even get a front seat for once!
And here's another cool thing we've gotten for the farm:Little baby chicks! They sure are cute. And they speak my language - high pitched chirps! I like to go visit them a few times a day. I could spend all day just pointing, staring and shrieking at them but my mom is worried I'll become a "chicken girl" - kind of like those girls who love horses in a weird way, but with chickens. I'm not sure what that means yet but I sure do love them:

Oh yeah, and Onay and Papa came for a visit in the middle of all this farm stuff. They helped out around the farm and helped celebrate my dad's birthday. They seemed happy but I overheard them saying they worried about my dad becoming a "redneck". I'm still not sure what it means but it may have something to do with his new style of dress:And yes, that's another one of my mom's cake creations. Here's a closer look:I promise more real soon now that we can go outside and start "working the land", whatever that means...

The Little Red Wagon and the Orange Owl

2009-02-24T14:12:00.001-08:00

Guess who came to visit me last week? That's right, Onay and Papa! I was so busy showing them all my new skills that I almost forgot to take pictures. Thankfully, we somehow got a few.

The first day they visited they brought me some presents (as is to be expected from grandparents, right?). They were right on target with something I've always wanted, a little red wagon:
Onay was even kind enough to tow me around the house in it:
I can't wait to get out in the garden with my mom and my new garden tools and wagon. Of course, the weather is bad and I was bored so the first thing I did when no one was looking was stand in the wagon and run over my Cabbage Patch baby brother...
It was also Papa's birthday visit so my mom baked one of her special cakes. Papa seemed quite happy and began hooting like an owl. I was just confused, as I usually am when my mom bakes:
And why was he hooting, you ask? I guess it's because he likes owls...

Toys for Boys, Part Deux

2009-02-03T13:12:00.000-08:00

Grab yourself a snack and get ready for some big and groundbreaking news...

Remember when I got my first Tonka truck and my mom posted a video of me learning to walk with it? Well, you know how she is, always submitting pictures and videos all over the place. I guess she submitted that video to Tonka and guess what? I am now the only first girl on the Tonka website! I'm not kidding, click here to see for yourself.

Did I mention I love dip?

Streaking, scratching and shrieking...

2009-01-23T18:54:00.000-08:00

...Those are a few of my new favorite things. Here I am doing two at once:I have found it is quite nice to run around like a banshee after a bath, naked and free. Another thing I'm really starting to enjoy is being outside. Some days I just sit and look out the window and plan my day.Then I head out and get right to work. Here I am helping in the garden.
You may think I am not very fashionable in my overalls and hat, but to be quite honest, some days I like to dress up and run around the house avoiding getting my picture taken. Here I am in my fancy Baby Gap attire.

Oh Hi and the Belly

2009-01-19T10:41:00.000-08:00

We took a road trip out to my mom's old stomping grounds the other day. It's a place called Ojai (pronounced Oh-Hi) and it's pretty nice. We went for a hike with some people called "hashers". No, they were not in lingerie for this one. Here I am at the start with my mom:

We walked for a while and then her friend Banana carried me up a big hill, where my dad was waiting at the top to volunteer to carry me down the mountain. My mom made some comment about something called "chivalry". Anyone know what that means? I guess it doesn't matter because it's dead. That's kinda sad...
Dad managed to carry me and his beer the rest of the way. At the end there was a big, nice dog that let me pet him.And of course I brought some beads so I would fit in:I had so much fun I decided to show everyone my belly. I am quite proud of it:
Pretty impressive, huh?

Catching up

2009-01-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

Good grief, has it really been more than a month? The older I get the faster time seems to pass...

So grab a chair and get comfy so I can tell you what I've been up to. Ah, that's better. First, I headed up to Sacramento for Thanksgiving. My daddy even bought me a new outfit all the way in Spain for the occasion:Yep, I thought it was cute too, except this part was a bit much:I mean, really, did they have to get tights with a chicken on my butt? (Insert fowl and chicken butt jokes here) The things people do to children are just awful, aren't they?

Then again, I guess people who get toted around on other people's backs shouldn't complain about an occasional silly outfit, right?And then there was the snow incident. Have you heard about this stuff? It's white and cold and turns into water when you touch it. I found it quite unpleasant and cried while walking in it. Or maybe I was crying because I couldn't see anything in my big hat.
After the first snow, Christmas finally came. Boy was I happy with all my new stuff. I especially like my new chair, some old Mardi Gras beads, and my duck-walker.
Finally, in addition to walking more, I've acquired some new skills in the past month or so. I've learned to brush all nine of my teeth,
To help Mama in the kitchen,
That some people have machines that actually clean their dishes for them,
And that I love beads. Wearing them, carrying them, putting them in boxes, taking them out, helping others with them. They are so much fun. I just wonder where my mom got sooooo many beads?
Who knows what 2009 will bring? Hopefully more time to blog. I promise to try.

Green Acres Is The Place For Me...

2008-11-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

They say country life is great for kids and I must agree. Forget SpongeBob and Dora and video games...I get to do my own exploring on the farm! Because, really, how many girls get to don overalls and run around in the dirt these days? And how many girls still get to help their daddy drive an old farm truck? And how many kids do you know that help gather wood for the stove at night?
And what about walking? Most kids learn indoors, on even ground. Not me, I run around chasing kitties in the dirt while learning the importance of balance, good footing and getting back up and dusting myself off when I fall (it's not you, the sound is not working):

Yep, when you think about it, a farm is a great place to live, learn and contemplate the big questions in life:

New tastes, smells and skills!!!

2008-11-05T15:03:00.000-08:00

A lot has been happening lately. Everything is so big and colorful and interesting. I feel like I'm really beginning to find my place in the world. To think that at this time last year I couldn't even hold my head up is crazy!

For instance, now I'm trying all sorts of new foods. One of my favorites is called crayon. My mom keeps trying to get me to hold it in my hand and hit it on paper, which makes absolutely no sense to me seeing as how crayon is so colorful and chewy. So now I pretend to make marks on the floor with it, then munch the tip off and clamp my mouth shut so my mom can't get it out.:Of course, sometimes I get a little on my face too.

It's funny that my mom thought it was amusing that I marked my own face, because the very next day she marked up my face, dressed me as a skunk, and paraded me around town. I don't know what sort of punishment this was, but while we were parading around we saw lots of other little kids being treated similarly. I guess it happens once a year and is called Halloween.
That's right, I was a skunk. At least no one else was wearing the same costume...
Oh, and to redeem her cake-making skills, my mom carved a pumpkin for me. I think it's better than the cake:
Finally, I decided to get off the floor and start walking:

Yep, I decided to do it right before my dad left for Spain so he wouldn't miss my first steps. Boy was he happy!!!

Uno!!!

2008-11-02T19:10:00.000-08:00

That's right, folks, it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago (October 16 for your records). Yep, the big Oh-One. I can't believe it either. Seems like this time last year I was all infantile and needy and quiet and immobile and tiny. Now I'm 20 pounds and 11 ounces of walking, talking, into-everything fun.

But back to the birthday. Of course , it was great. There were balloons:And presents:And my annual traditional photo with my birthday bear:And there was a cake made just for me by my mom: I didn't know quite what to make of it, either. I think my mom is trying to instill that "It's the thought that counts" stuff in me early on. For some reason my mom was completely obsessed with making me a cake for my birthday. The thing is, she'd never made a cake. And I guess our oven isn't level. And she didn't know you had to buy tips for icing tubes to make fancy writing. And she didn't know about cooling things off. This is what she started with when the frosting ran out: Really, I think she did a pretty good job covering up the holes and gaps with Dora figurines and, let's face it, there is nowhere to go but up on the cake-making skills for her:My dad didn't want to be outdone in the personal parental touch category so he improvised with some Hello Kitty hats:
No, wait, it got more bizarre when he did a Statue of Liberty impression:
That wasn't even the weirdest part of the party...

In the end, it was a great party with ALL my grandparents in attendance. That made for some interesting conversation. As for me, I just hung out and got overstimulated and threw cake, like I was supposed to, right?

Who belongs in the zoo?

2008-10-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

Boy have we been busy. Islands, mountains, cities. It's tough to keep up but I sure am glad my dad took the time off.

We spent last week at Onay and Papa's in Sacramento. We mostly hung out playing with some new toys but one day we went to the zoo with cousin Sid. Here we are pretending to be kangaroos:
And here I am checking out the big cats in my kitten t-shirt:They had this neat spider web to play on:
And, of course, my folks went to REI and bought me a brand new baby jogger. We were testing it out with cousin Sid. Isn't she special looking? Ha! I love this picture of her...
Tomorrow I turn the big Oh-One. I can't believe it's been a year already. I'm sure there will be pictures and other fun stuff coming soon.

Two weddings and an Ellen show

2008-10-01T15:44:00.000-07:00

After our big vacation to Hawaii, we headed up to the Central Coast for MB's wedding, which, by the way was quite nice. No, I don't have pictures of the wedding people, after all, this is MY blog!

I do, however, have a few pics of me from the wedding. Here I am in my best dress:
Doing tricks for Auntie Spotted (I don't know where the carrot is, but it looks like she had one at one time):Posing with the girls:And having a beer with dad:
That wedding reminded me of my first wedding, that being my parents' wedding of course. You may remember from my very first post on this blog that it was a shotgun wedding. Well, if you don't remember that little fact, perhaps this clip from a recent episode of the Ellen show will help you remember:

Yep, my mom is certifiable. She didn't even remember sending the picture in to the show.

And just so you know, Sarah Palin is a wedding crasher. She wasn't even invited to my parents' wedding, let alone asked to bring her gun! Maybe that will make tonight's news...

Aloha!!! My first big trip!!!

2008-10-01T14:47:00.000-07:00

So my dad's been on paternity leave to bond with me and I've got to tell you, there's no better place to hang with your dad than Hawaii. Just look at us. After all, who couldn't be happy in a place like this?
There are so many fun things to do there, like swim in the pool with mom:Have a few cocktails with dad:Take a nap in a nice hotel bed:Go on a sunset dinner cruise with the family (we even saw some spinner dolphins):Play in the sand with dad:
Oh, wait, that sand thing didn't work out quite so well:It's amazing how easy it is to take a header at the beach. It doesn't hurt much but it's pretty tough to get the sand out of your nostrils.

Finally, the last very cool thing to do in Hawaii is hang with Uncle PD, aka "Dipshit":

A special thanks to Uncle PD and Auntie Allicat for hanging with us and allowing their nerves to be frayed by my constant neediness while teething on vacation. Yes folks, I was 'that baby' on the plane ride over. I was so bad the guy sitting next to us gave me the birthday present he got for his daughter just to shut me up for 20 minutes. I responded by sleeping the whole way home - a flight he wasn't on...Note to parents: The red eye is worth it to everyone but you.

Toys for Boys?

2008-09-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

Some of you may know my mother, and if you do, you know she used to be a heavy equipment operator in the Seabees. So I guess it's only fitting that rather than buy me a nice pink and purple My Little Pony or Fairy Princess walker toy, she'd buy me a Tonka dump truck walker, right?

The good thing is that I'm a baby and I don't notice anything but the honking horn, colorful parts, and toy compartment under the dump bed. So to Tonka's "Built for Boyhood" campaign I say "pffft" and request they add "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" to their list of songs played by the dump truck.

Yep, all hell is about to break loose once this princess starts really walkin'.

My Second Fair, Stairs, Pianos and More!

2008-09-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

Remember when I went to the State Fair last year? Yes, that was a lovely picture, and no offense to Mom, but I think I look much better in the butterfly this year:
Dad is in Spain or something so Mom and I headed up to Sacramento for the long weekend to visit Onay and Papa and Grandma and Grandpa (who work the fair but insist they are NOT "carnies"). We stayed with Onay and Papa and had lots of adventures. We even went swimming for the first time. My mom didn't get any pictures because she was in the pool with me and no one has forwarded any yet but I'm sure they will soon. Trust me, folks, I looked pretty cute in my new Speedo swimsuit.

Since there are no pics of me in the pool, here's one of me in the bath with Onay. You can see how much I like the water:
And here I am with my first homemade hasher-style pancake. I went straight for the eyes and nose but was not allowed to eat them. What a tease that cook is!
Onay and Papa had some pretty neat things at their house. The first was something called stairs. I headed straight for them and right on up. Then I practiced every day, many times a day. It sure was fun:

When I wasn't working the stairs, I practiced piano with Papa. I think I'm pretty good...
We also went on some walks to see and feed ducks and play on the swings and even went swimming with a cute boy named Lance. That was all good, clean fun.

And then there was this:

Those are my cousins Alex and Griffin. Alex is the nipple-lover. Griffin is engrossed in the TV. My mom has already warned me about this sort of thing and now I am pretty sure I will never understand boys.

Catching up

2008-08-13T16:46:00.000-07:00

Seems like nearly a lifetime since I last posted. Sorry for the delay but I've been busy. In addition to learning to crawl and eat anything found within two feet of any floor surface, I've done the following cool things in the past couple of months:

First, me and mom and dad went to Monterey to a place where they have windows you look into and see fish. Here I am looking at some interesting and colorful fish:

And here's a video I'm not in but of something really rare that we saw. It's called a Sea Dragon:
After a day and night in Monterey, we met up with my cousins, aunt and uncle, and Onay and Papa for some camping at Big Basin in the sequoias. Here I am with my cousins Griffin and Sidney. You can tell a lot about our personalities from this picture: After camping we went to Sacramento for a few days and saw lots of people. Then me and mom and dad went home for a week. Then Onay and Papa came to visit ME!!! You wouldn't know it from this picture, but I was quite happy to see them:
I love that picture...but I was sad to see Onay and Papa leave:
Thankfully, my parents had the intelligence to get me out meeting new and exciting people in fun places, like drainage tunnels:
Actually, I felt kind of like Cleopatra crossing the river stinks here:
Finally, I've been spending lots of time with my daddy since he hasn't traveled in months. I think we're both enjoying it.

What do a pirate and a raspberry have in common?

2008-06-26T16:53:00.001-07:00

Me.

Hey, it's tough to come up with titles when you're only 8 1/2 months old...

I went on my first camping trip with my folks the other weekend. It was one of their running club deals and it was at El Capitan State Beach. The theme was Pirates.

I guess everyone was supposed to dress like a pirate and drink beer on Saturday. I refused to put on my pirate costume but here I am with my parents in their somewhat unconventional Pirates attire.
Oddly enough, no one else was dressed like them. In fact, most folks had baggy clothes with stripes and frill and kept saying "Argh" and calling each other "Matey". Go figure.

Camping was fun. I got to wake everyone up in the middle of the night with my mom for once. I'm sure they appreciated it. And I got to ride along the beach in my baby jogger. And eat avocado. And see some old friends. What could be better?

In other news, I'm learning to communicate. It involves pushing air and spit through your lips while your tongue sticks out. It feels kind of funny and makes my tongue numb when I do it for prolonged periods, but it seems to be the only noise my mom and I share in common at this point. I hear there is an easier, less messy way to get your point across and am hoping to figure it out real soon.

Here I am communicating with my mom over lunch. Note to babies: this works best with a mouth full of something orange and gooey and when your parent is in close range:

Oh yeah, I heard about you all laughing at me practicing sitting (Cousin Griffin?!?!). Just so you know, I'm now doing it much better and am even starting to crawl forward!

Next week is my second camping trip and I heard we might go somewhere called an aquarium.

The importance of posture

2008-06-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

So I'm learning to sit up all on my own pretty well. To you it may not be that impressive but I've only been able to hold my own head up for a couple of months and it's a pretty big step. Here I am peeking at my mom from my high chair.
And here I am practicing sitting up by myself. Don't worry, it's a short one:

Hey, don't laugh, it's really not as easy as it looks. Balance is key. On minute you're smiling and happy, the next you're toppled over not knowing what hit you.

Oh, and by the way, this learning to crawl before you can walk thing is serious and frustrating business. More on that next time.

More to love

2008-05-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

We've all heard about my chubby cheeks, or jowls, or chipmunk storage units, or whatever wise cracks you want to make about them. And quite frankly, I'm tired of the jokes. I'm a baby and I'm supposed to have chubby cheeks. Perhaps that's why I sometimes appear a bit confused about all the chubby jokes.
Before you comment on the following, let me remind you that I am still a baby and my thighs are supposed to look like this:It means I'm healthy...And well padded...And could possibly survive several days on my own. It has been brought to my attention that my thighs are the same circumference as my mom's biceps. All that means is that she is scrawny and possibly malnourished. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if all these jokes about my fluffiness scar me for life...

Finally, if you think this means I'm a porker, I offer this video of my reluctance to eat anything placed before me:

It was mashed squash...

Bad hair day

2008-05-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

Because my mom is technically in charge of this blog she sometimes exploits me. Seriously, what self-respecting baby would put something like this on her own blog:

Not cool, mom, not cool. I guess I should be happy I'm finally getting enough hair to style, no matter what style that may be.

Despite my mother's twisted take on recording my childhood, I am developing into what some would call a happy girl. Case in point, this extremely cute (if I do say so myself) photo of me at my mom's office taken today:

Roadtrip!

2008-05-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

My parents got something called "Mountain Fever" and decided to take a road trip to Sacramento to visit Onay and Papa for the weekend. The drive part was pretty boring (Bakersfield to Sacramento, anyone???) so I conked out. My mom was nice enough to snap this shot of me in my rearview mirror.
I know my cheeks look big and may be the reason my jaw is slack, but I think it's an optical illusion caused by the bulbous baby mirror. Or, it could be the fact that I'm now eating mushy foods on a regular basis. Here I am enjoying some carrots on a Monday.
No, I don't know why my bib has the day on it either. To tell you the truth, I can't tell one day from the next and I think my mom purposefully puts the wrong day's bib on me just to confuse me into think I didn't eat the same thing for dinner the day before. She's sneaky like that...Anyhow, back to my road trip.

I had a great time visiting Onay and Papa. Here I am with Onay in her backyard:
And here I am with Papa in the living room:
Onay and Papa were so shocked at the size of my jowls that they decided to get me on track with my first exercise machine. It's called an 'Exersaucer' and seems to have been designed to fool we babies into thinking exercise is fun. So far it seems to be working. Thank you Onay and Papa!In addition to learning to eat mushy foods and exercise regularly, I'm also learning to drink plenty of fluids. Here I am with my first drinking vessel:I'm told I have to bring it on my next roadtrip, which is to someplace called a "Camp Out" where I have to wear a pirate costume and be pushed around in a baby jogger while my parents sing songs and run around the beach. Sounds like fun.

On birthdays, siblings and puppies

2008-04-16T14:45:00.001-07:00

My dad's had 82 of them, my mom's had 70 of them, and lord knows how many my grandparents have had, but today is my first half-year birthday. The reason I'm smirking is because the other day my daddy came home with a bag of frozen peas in his lap and I was told there would be no more lentil beans in the family. I don't know what the peas have to do with the beans but I was tickled pink at the thought of being an only, spoiled child.

Just when I was feeling so pleased with myself, unable to wipe the smirk off my face (see above), my mom took my dad to pick out a brother for me. Here I am with my new four-legged, drools-more-than-me, tail-wagging brother:

As you can see, I'm not too thrilled about daddy having a new puppy to love. I saw what happened to mom's first child, the dog that once was treated like a queen and now is locked outside while mom plays with me. I wonder if I'll be locked out while mom and dad play with the new addition?

April Fool

2008-04-07T15:14:00.000-07:00

Well my Daddy is home and you know what that means...Yep, now my parents can tag team me with the camera.

Here I am having a nice, private laugh with my mom this morning while my dad finally catches me in action.

What is a "guffaw" anyhow?

In other news, I've got some teeth. Not one, not two, nope - I'm an overachiever...I've got four coming through and two more on the way. I'll try to get a picture of them sometime but you know how my mom is with the camera. Teeth seem like they can be pretty fun. I've already woken my mom up with the slightest little chomp a couple of times. Now that would be something to catch on video!!!

On hot air

2008-03-25T09:44:00.000-07:00

If you're wondering why I've been a bit cranky lately, it's because I'm maximizing the sympathy that comes along with getting my first tooth. That's right, my mom finally stuck her finger in my mouth and figured out that one of my bottom teeth is coming in.

Of course, she got all sentimental and started talking about how fast I'm growing up. Then she mentioned something about being cut off from the boob once my tooth comes in. Then she told me this was my first baby tooth and that when it falls out I get to leave it under my pillow at night so some freaky fairy that collects baby teeth will take it and leave money in its place. This on the heels of another tale of an egg-laying bunny that brings candy and toys in a basket because some carpenter came back from the dead a zillion years ago. I may be naive but these stories are pretty hard to swallow.

Speaking of hot air and how good my mom is at blowing it, check this new, fun game out:

Gag me with a spoon!!!

2008-03-22T11:24:00.000-07:00

I've been learning to put things in my mouth for a while now. It's just what babies do when we learn to use our hands. It doesn't necessarily mean we want to be spoon-fed a bowl of mush. Think about it...Why would I give up snuggling and being held by mom while I eat for being strapped in a chair while food is shoveled into me?

That said, I got my first taste of "real" food the other day and to be quite honest, I don't see how you people with teeth do this three times a day:

I still don't understand what's so funny...

Princess of the Dance

2008-03-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

I meant to post this last week on St. Patrick's Day. Once again, I blame my mother. She claims she's been busy working on the house so we can sell it and move somewhere with something called 'electricity' and another thing called 'pavement'. Whatever.

While she and Onay were working on the house I was practicing my Irish jig. Here I am on St. Patrick's Day, in my lucky green outfit, practicing the Riverdance:

I think I have a future in Vegas.

My parents do what???

2008-03-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

Once again, it's been a while. I'm sorry but I've been busy. So let me get right down to the business of telling you what I've been up to.

First, my parents took me on a trip with my grandparents, Onay and Papa. We went to Palm Springs so my parents could run around in lingerie and drink beer. Papa thought it sounded like a good idea too so he joined us. Good thing my dad brought some extra lingerie. Here is a nice family picture from a typical Friday night out on the town:
Yes, I was shocked too. In fact, here I am wondering if I might possibly have been switched at birth. I'm not buying this whole born in Bakersfield, mother's maiden name was Klingon thing either...
You would look like that too if you watched your Daddy run away in a sheer lime green teddy and Heineken socks with his best friend:
Scary. I hope they don't make me do that when I grow up! Then again, I did get my own running bag, complete with a drinking vessel and my first hashing t-shirt. Of course, my mom was too lazy to take a picture so I'll have to show it to you later.

The Element of Surprise

2008-02-18T09:02:00.000-08:00

Everyone loves a good surprise, right?

You'd be shocked too if a 35 year old mother sat on the floor making raspberry sounds at you while holding a camera in front of your face.

I think I'm going to start calling her Mommarazzi.

Then again, I guess I should get used to it seeing as how I'm royalty and all...

My First Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T15:47:00.000-08:00

So I'm sporting a new hairstyle these days, it's called a mohawk. I guess my parents were planning to give me one some day just for fun so I decided to beat them to the punch. I still can't figure out what a mullet is, though.
Yes, I've been working out, thanks for noticing. Check out my slimmed down waistline and nice, trim thighs. Oh, and look what I can do now:

Just like a dog, on command except I don't get a bone when I do it.

By the way, can anyone tell me what "jowls" are? Everyone says I have great ones and then smiles. I don't get it...

Where does the time go?

2008-02-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

People always say time goes by more quickly the older you get. Well, isn't that just the truth? Here I am, almost four months old and it's been nearly a month since my last post. And boy, has a lot happened in that month!

First, I went to Sacramento stayed with Onay and Papa for a whole week. I got to lay on the floor and be spoiled the whole time. I think they like me up there.

I even got to go on my first paparazzi assignment while I was there. Yeah, I guess some actor who is named after a candy bar died that week and a friend of my mom's works for a trashy magazine that you see in the check-out lines at the grocery stores called her other friend who is pregnant and lives in Sacramento and sometimes helps the paparazzi guy with stories on the very day me and mom were going to lunch with the preggo so we decided to drive her to a place called Davis to harass the sister of the mother of the recently deceased actor's baby who goes to college there. Yes, that was a long sentence. Thankfully the sister wasn't home or she'd have been accosted by a six months pregnant reporter with a new mom and baby sidekick in tow. I don't know about you, but I think the story of our quest for a quote would be more interesting than the actual quote from the poor girl. Still, it ruled out tabloid journalist as a future career for me - it would have been sooooo embarrassing to actually meet the girl and ask her an obvious question. How tacky can you get?

My lousy mom didn't take many pictures during our trip but here I am with Onay saying goodbye:

It's hard to believe that was almost a month ago. Since then I've been working out a lot, spending time on my tummy, keeping my mom sleep deprived, and learning some consonant sounds that I gleefully yell any chance I get - particularly when she takes me to work and is on the phone.

Oh, and I can laugh now. Of course, I won't laugh for the camera. In fact, I play this little game where I laugh at my mom until she gets the camera and then I just stare at her for five minutes while she makes noises and faces and tries to be funny. She ends up with video of me looking stoic while she sounds like a wild monkey in the background. It's pretty fun. In fact, I think I'll go do it again right now. Either that or wait until she changes my diaper and then poop right away. That's another one of my favorites. See you later.

My first trail

2008-01-16T11:29:00.001-08:00

So my folks are in a "running club" called the Hash House Harriers. It's a group of people that gets together to drink beer and run around various communities. Yeah, it sounded fishy to me too, but I finally went to a "run" this weekend and found out it's not so scary after all.

Here I am looking a bit skeptical in my baby jogger:
Yes, those are Mardi Gras beads. No, I did not earn them the traditional way - and I've been told I never will because my mother has a whole store of them for me. I'm still not sure how she got hers and I'm not asking...but they sure are fun to look at when I get bored.

Once we got going it was pretty fun just cruising around staring at things and listening to the runners blowing whistles, yelling "On On!", and drawing on sidewalks...All activities I look forward to participating in one day. In fact, here I am singing along at the end:
Yes, these people stand around and sing songs after they run around whistling, drinking, shouting, and drawing arrows. How neat is that? This sort of thing makes a lot more sense than Christmas, but that's just me...

After the run and dinner my mom and me went back to our hotel and watched cable tv while dad went on a pub crawl with the runners. He came back early because it was no fun without me and mom. I could've told him that!

In other news, I turn three months old today, which means I can start wearing all my cute 3-6 month old clothes. This jacket, complete with bear ears on the hood, is from Auntie Claire and I just love it!!! Thanks Auntie Claire!!!
Oh, and I heard I'm going to Sacramento with Mom tomorrow to visit Onay and Papa. I can't wait!

There's another princess in the family???

2008-01-03T10:30:00.001-08:00

Where does the time go? Sorry for not posting lately but my mom is full of excuses like being sick, having lost the battery charger for the camera, and something called the generator not working so she can go online during a snowstorm. I say enough of the excuses, Mom, it's time for a holiday recap!

First of all, the holidays sure are exhausting. First my parents strapped me in a seat for five and a half hours and drove me half-way up the state to a place called Sacramento where a movie star who runs our state lives somewhere near my grandparents. I fell asleep on the way and when I woke up I was at my grandparents' house being cuddled and held and loved by none other than Onay herself. I'd say it was well worth the trip.

No sooner had I arrived than I was dressed up as a reindeer and taken to a party where I was passed amongst the millions of relatives I have in this place called Sacramento while a fat man in a red suit ran around a pool table handing out presents. Here I am in my outfit:
Yeah, I get cuter every day.

The next morning I was woken up early and taken to my cousins' house to find out what the fat man in the red suit brought everyone. This is some sort of bizarre family ritual having to do with magical trees that require no water or soil yet produce light, a week long obsession with the colors red and green, the wrapping of toys and other new objects in paper for the sole purpose of ripping the paper off hours later, and a marathon eating contest wherein you are required to eat all day, especially homemade cookies. I'm still trying to figure it all out and am told it will happen every year at the same time for the rest of my life. Pretty crazy, huh?

We spent Christmas, as the day is called, at my cousins' house. This is my cousin Griffin, he got a Nintendo DS - which is basically a little thing he stares at all day while fumbling his thumbs and making grunts. Boys sure are strange.And this, my friends, is my new mentor. Her name is Sidney and she's my cousin and, as you can see, she too is a princess, complete with a throne, gown and pink horse!
Princess Jenn, as she went by the day I met her, was gracious enough to let me visit her kingdom and play on her princess bed. It was the most wondrous, marvelous, pinkest, stuffed-animalist place on earth and I loved it.After she let me talk to her friends on the princess bed, she imparted some princessly advice to me. I can't tell you exactly what it was, because it's for princesses only, but here we are out of our princess attire talking princess stuff:
Poor Princess Sidney (she stopped going by Princess Jenn at some point that day), she doesn't realize that someday that pink throne will be mine!!! In the meantime, I'll glean as much knowledge as possible from her...

One way to feel better...

2007-12-16T12:55:00.000-08:00

...Is to spend some time on your daddy's chest making googly eyes at him. I am sooo glad he's home. He's been gone for like a quarter of my life so far and I've missed him a ton. Here I am showing him my new smiles and sounds:

Now you know where I get my good looks from!

Worst. Day. Ever.

2007-12-14T13:24:00.001-08:00

I finally had "one of those days" that I'm always hearing about. You know, the kind your momma always tells you about.

First, let me warn you that this post contain a graphic image that may be difficult for some folks to see (especially grandparents). Let me further clarify that this image is for the good of the public and serve as a warning to other babies approaching the big 2M mark. Let me just say that place your parents take you to with the guy in the white coat is no fun!

Yep, I went to the doctor's office today for my two month check up. Both Mom and Dad went so I knew it was a big deal. First we went into an office waiting area where I hammed it up for the other people who all said how cute I was. Then we went in a small room where a nice lady weighed and measured me (11 lbs, 14 ounces and 22 1/2 inches!!!). Next a guy in a white coat came in and wiggled me around, shined little lights in all my northern orifices, poked my belly, and declared me "perfect".

Just as I was basking in my own perfection, thinking how wonderful I am, an evil lady came in wielding sharp objects. She asked my Dad to hold my hand but he said he couldn't. She asked him to sit down so he wouldn't fall over. As I was contemplating the meaning of that exchange Mom took my hand and stroked my face and then, BAM!!! That lady skewered me. Don't worry, my mom's a lawyer and we got pictures of the whole thing. I plan to sue. The lady did it four times while Dad squirmed and stared at the carpet. Here I am in agony:
Look at all those needles on the table. They are almost as big as me. It was awful. And now I feel terrible. Sure, they put a couple of Snoopy Band Aids on my legs but really, folks, do you think that makes a difference to someone who can barely focus on a Band Aid? This has to be the worst day of all 67 I've been on the outside.

I'll try to be more positive next time, but for today I've got to milk this one.

New name, new look, new me!

2007-12-11T10:59:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo. My mom promised that as soon as I slept at least 6 hours in one stretch for three days in a row I would get to change the blog's name and layout. Really, I'm over the whole "Lentil Bean" thing. It's just embarassing because I have to explain it to everyone and no one seems to get it except my parents and, well, you know how they are...

So here it is, The Adventures of Princess Awesome, now in pink and with sound! I was so excited last night when I woke up after 6 hours and 3 minutes that I got the hiccups just thinking about it:

This really is perfect timing too because today is my 8 week birthday! I'm getting more hair, my face has cleared up, and my dad will be home in two days. It really doesn't get much better than this, does it?

A movie by LD and Princess Awesome

2007-12-10T11:17:00.000-08:00

Little Dog (screen name LD) and I were talking the other day and decided it would be fun to make a movie. Like many first movies, it has no sound. I blame the writer's strike but it could also be because my mom did not read the camera manual chapter on sound. Either way, you can see that we make a lovely on-screen couple and most certainly have a future on You Tube if either of us so desires.

Broadening my horizons

2007-12-05T14:30:00.001-08:00

So I just realized there is more to waking life than eating, pooping, crying, and staring at Little Dog. I just realized that these crazy creatures are hovering above my bed!!!

I can't believe I've been sleeping under these thing for nearly two months and never noticed them. I'm not sure what they are, either. When I asked my mom about them she said something about psychedelic mushrooms and 60's toy designers. Either way, when you combine them spinning slowly above you while Mozart, Bach and Beethoven play in the background, it's quite the experience. Here I am with Little Dog watching them go round and round:

I hear that listening to classical music while strange creatures hover above you during infancy makes you a genius. I'm not sure about all that hoopla. I think we babies are just amused by the theory and have nothing better to do that make noises and squirm at virtually anything you put in front of us at this stage. Either way, it's fun to finally be noticing things around me other than Little Dog. If you don't have one of these above your bed, I highly recommend one!

I scream, you scream...

2007-12-04T18:02:00.000-08:00

...for now apparant reason!!!

Yep, I've mastered the art of uncontrollable, inconsolable, otherwise unacceptable crying (exception for babies - check the rule book). Here I am in action last night. I lasted four and a half hours before I gave in!!!Yep, one of my new favorite things to do is have a good four to six hour cry about every third day of my life. It gives me something to look forward to and makes the days pass more quickly. It's fun because I make my mom carry me in awkward positions, pretend I like it, then scream at the top of my lungs if she moves an inch. I'm not sure she likes the game, bit it's the only one I know right now. It's quite tiring but great for the lungs - I'm thinking rock star or opera singer might be in my future...My mother seems to think I won't have a future if I keep it up. I'm not sure what that means, but it doesn't sound promising.

All the books say it's something called "colic" but to me it's just venting my frustration at having no control of my life. Think about it: my neck doesn't work, I poop myself on an hourly basis, I have to eat the same thing every day, people babble at me as if I'm an imbecile, and my parents sometimes dress me funny and take pictures while referring to something called "prom night". You'd scream too.

Just when I think my mom has had enough I'll put on my angelic face and settle in for the night, being sure to smile at her lots the next day and look just as cute as can be before I start up again. Here I am getting back in her good graces on one of my days off.
I can't wait for Christmas when I can show the whole family how loud I can get!

Whatever you call them, they are great!!!

2007-11-30T15:54:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write about this for a while but my mother just can't seem to get with the program. She claims it's my fault for being "too needy" or something. I say, "Whatever, Mom - Just take me back to those wonderful people who always seem to know how to please me." I'm still not sure what their real names are, I just know I have a gaggle of them.

Up north I've got Onee and Papa (I think they are French???), who came a million miles just to see me and help with painting and drywall mudding. Their mission seems to be to help my parents rid the house of some dark, dank, evil thing called "paneling". Don't they look happy? Onee is on the left and she loves to hold me and sing Edelweiss to me. It's pretty nice and I'm just glad I'm not a boy because I hear they shouldn't be too into show tunes and Edelweiss is one.

Next we have "Gampy" who is down south in the hospital having part of his leg cut off. It sounds bad but it's a good thing because it's been giving him trouble. Here I am with him with two legs: I went and visited him just the other day at the hospital and he sure was happy to see me. So were all the people there. I guess they don't get many babies in hospitals like that. I hope he comes home soon and am looking forward to having at least one grandparent with a cool, fake appendage to play with. Give me a break, I'm a baby and it'll be neat to take to show and tell one day.

And then there's Grandma who I had lunch with both yesterday and today:She lives on a ranch with a bunch of animals most babies only dream about. There are zebras and reindeer and horses and miniature everything. There is even a camel! It puts my mom and dad's pig, dog, cat trio to shame. I can't wait to see what kinds of crazy presents I get from her since my mom says she's a member of the "Species of the Month Club". Good thing we live on 10 acres...

Finally, there's Grandpa Ken. He came to visit a couple of weeks ago. I don't think he'd seen a baby in a while because he seemed a bit scared of me until he got the hang of the fact that I really can't control my head.
I think those are all my grandparents. I don't know if you ever had any but if you are privileged to have one, or two, or even five like me, be sure to give them a call sometime out of the blue and tell them you love them because I'm pretty sure you haven't in a while and that they'd really like it. I intend to call mine as soon as I get some motor skills and can annunciate a little better.

Rub-A-Dub-Dub

2007-11-15T18:02:00.000-08:00

I found something almost as interesting as Little Dog. It's called a bath:Apparently you sit in the kitchen sink in a tub of warm water and someone rubs you down with pleasant smelling bubbly stuff while making funny faces and talking in a strange voice. Despite this odd parental behavior, it is quite soothing and I've come to enjoy it. Aren't I cute?

My First Buzz

2007-11-10T17:29:00.001-08:00

From milk, that is. Yes, this is what I look like splayed out on the Boppy pillow after "sucking the life" out of my mother as she so aptly puts it:
I know, it's not my best angle but I'm still pretty cute.

My first BFF

2007-11-08T09:28:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted lately but I've been busy with my new Best Friend Forever (BFF).

This, my friends, is Little Dog, and I must admit I've become quite obsessed with him.
He sleeps with me:
Talks to me, and listens when I talk. And sometimes we just stare at echother for hours. It's pretty special.
Sometimes my parents try to switch him out with a panda bear or cat or zebra but I'll have none of it. I may not know much, but I do know my Little Dog.

In other news, Halloween came and went without much fanfare here. I had the forethought to thoroughly exhaust my mother the night before so she barely had the energy to dress me as a cow and take a few pictures before I threw a fit:

This worked out well seeing as how she dressed me as a cow and planned to wear a "Got Milk?" shirt and carry around her breast pump all night for our costumes. Yes, my parents are strange.

I've got to get back to Little Dog, we have a play date this morning.

The Psychedelic Furs were right...

2007-10-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

...when they sang that girls are pretty in pink. But come on folks, enough is enough...That's right, I've only been home a week and I'm already being inundated with pink everything. I know I'm a girl. I've even heard that pink is the new black. I get it. But the simple fact of the matter is that a girl can only wear the same color so many days in a row without looking like she's wearing the same thing everyday. Haven't you all seen Sex in The City? It's a basic rule of fashion that you alternate colors. I don't care what Mary Kay has to say about it.
So people, please, even though I am pretty in pink and appreciate that you all love me so much and love buying girl things, I'm not Molly Ringwald and I would love some items in another color - perhaps even on the other side of the color wheel with a Tonka truck or something on it for good measure?

And props to those of you who appreciate the 80's reference. Maybe my parents are raising me right after all...

My first skin flick

2007-10-24T15:27:00.001-07:00

Hey!!! I'm here. I came on October 16 at 6:21 pm. My mom keeps calling me a butterball because I was 8 pounds, three ounces and only 18 inches long. What did she expect? She's only 65 inches long and not much of that is in the middle!!! That's me up there in the video. Thanks, dad, for making my first skin flick just moments after my first breaths. Paris Hilton's got nothing on me!!!

You might have heard there was a lot of hoopla surrounding my arrival. I really didn't want to come out but they made me. First they tried drugging my mother but I wouldn't budge. Have you ever seen the width of a size four pelvis? You wouldn't want to stick your perfectly round head and flat ears in there either!!! So I wouldn't. Yep, I stood my ground for 18 hours. Who says Libras can't be stubborn? Maybe I'll grow up to be one of those crazy Greenpeace women tied to an old growth tree someday.

In the end they had to cut mom open and lift me out. Dad watched. I saw him first. He needed a shave but otherwise looked pretty happy to see me. Did you know he's bald? I never knew that. He was the first to tell me I was a girl. Of course, I already knew that.

I spent the first couple of nights with mom in the hospital then I got a fever and the doctors took me away to a place with really tiny babies in incubators. I think they wanted to make me feel fat or lucky or something. It worked. They poked and prodded and couldn't find anything wrong with me so I finally got to come home yesterday. My parents just stared at me so I toyed with them a bit - testing different cries, teaching them that I don't like a wet diaper and that when I want milk, I want it NOW. I also taught them I like to be held a lot and that if they do everything I tell them to I will reward them with three hours of silence.

Finally, much to my relief, I was not named Lentil Bean. They keep calling me that, but I saw them write down Sarah Addison McQuillen on the birth certificate. I heard that Sarah means "Princess" and Addison means "Awesome" so I'm thinking of changing the blog name to The Adventures of Princess Awesome. What do you think?

Almost there

2007-10-06T12:20:00.001-07:00

So my mom was at the doctor's office the other day and I overheard the doctor tell her about two or three more weeks. That was after the doctor rudely poked me in the head and said, "Well, that's the head - in position but still a bit high". Duh. That's my job, isn't it? To head south, face down, listen for the screaming, avoid forceps and vacuums, and search for the light? It just took me a while to get my foot out of my mom's ribcage and start the migration...They really don't give me enough credit - it's as if they all think I'm just sitting in here freeloading while my mom does all the work. It's tough to flip around inside a person who grunts at the slightest poke to an organ or nerve then push your way past a bladder and some other funny smelling stuff.

In other news: While we were at the doctor's office I had a little chat with another IU (in utero), as we call ourselves. This chick was torturing her mother by hanging out longer than expected. She told me she was already about 9 pounds and going to hang on another week or so and that maybe we'd see each other on the outside in a couple of weeks. Her theory is that the longer you stay in, the more happy your parents are to see you when you get out. I don't know about that because my mom told me if I went past Halloween I'd be grounded for life, whatever that means. Still, it's getting cramped and boring in here. Making mom pee herself at Home Depot has lost it's charm and she seems to have accepted sleeplessness so that's no fun either. I'm thinking two weeks would be fine with me.

My First Fair

2007-09-26T14:38:00.001-07:00

I almost forgot to tell you, my parents took me to the California State Fair up in Sacramento last month. Even though I couldn't go on any of the rides, I did get my picture taken in front of the insect area in one of those cut-outs made especially for kids and bellies. Some folks were a bit shocked that I would pose at such a young age, but I think the pic turned out pretty nice:
Yes, this does appear to be some sort of foreshadowing of the torture I will no doubt endure for the next 18 years. At least my parents have fun with it...

It's funny....

2007-09-19T17:26:00.001-07:00

...I could've sworn my my mom used to have feet.
Just another day hanging out in the womb. It's getting cramped in here. Last night I spent a good hour trying to get my foot out of mom's ribcage. She kept pushing on it as if I have motor skills and could pull my foot out of my own volition. Then dad comes in and starts poking me and speaking in a strange voice. I think he may be "special". I hope I'm not "special" too.

In other news, I heard them talking about names again. I'm all for losing the Lentil Bean handle and am relieved dad is no longer pushing for "Jack Daniel" if I'm a boy. Seriously, that was an option, or so he thought. Mom says it doesn't matter because after dad sees her suffer through pushing me out she can name me anything she wants. And I know they aren't publicizing the names because then people will tell stories about idiots they've known with that name and ruin it for them, but here's what I hear the options are:

If I'm a girl, my first name is pretty much set in stone: Sarah, after my mom's good friend who passed away several years ago. I like that when spelled backward it's "Haras" - something I intend to become expert at. The middle name is still up for grabs. It was originally going to be Sarah Riley McQ, but Riley is the family dog and that would be too much. Dad wants Sarah Abigail McQ, because then they can call me SAM - after my initials. I say why not name me Samantha if you want to call me Sam? Mom wants Sarah Chance McQ, because all of this has happened by chance and she thinks it's a cool middle name - for a boy or girl.

If I'm a boy we've been through a lot of suggestions: Matzo Junior was out pretty early on, so was Buzz and Muncher, then some popular names like Parker and Cole were passed upon. The past two weeks they've been on Tobin as a first name. (I note that they have a lot of Tobin James wine in the house and this is the second booze-related name proffered by dad...). Dad wants Tobin Daniel McQ - as Daniel is a family name. Mom wants Tobin Chance McQ, again on the whimsical "by chance" thing (Could be the hormones and lack of booze on her part).

Any suggestions on how to resolve this? We've got a few weeks left to campaign...

I'm not going to CSU Bakersfield!!!!

2007-09-17T14:17:00.001-07:00

Thanks a lot Charles Schwab and Baby Center. It's not enough that you freak my mom out every week with e-mails about things like episiotomies, loss of bladder control, post partum depression, and the plethora of random birth defects you feel the need to point out to new mothers. No, you had to go and send my parents an e-mail telling them how much I'll cost them only a month before my debut! This is really going to take the wind of my sails on arrival day.

This is what I could see of the calculation you so eagerly provided:

Here's what you're likely to spend to raise a child:
$355,906
(Before you despair, remember that your income is likely to increase over time!)

Click on each category to see what's included in the expense. Note that you can change the annual amount you plan to spend on each category or the age at which you expect each expense to start or end and then recalculate your total.

Expense Start Age End Age Annual Cost

Housing

Food

Transportation

Clothing

Healthcare

Childcare/Education

Miscellaneous

College

Cost for first year (excluding college) is $16,929

Total cost is $355,906

I didn't see any category for counseling and I'm pretty sure I'll need it. I hear it's about $200 per hour and if you've met my parents you'll know that could get hefty. I'm thinking Running With Scissors kind of hefty. And if I get my dad's hair I'll need to join a hair club early on. I hear that's not cheap. Plus, I could turn out like my grandmother and have an addiction to the art of procuring expensive and exotic animals.

And exactly what college are they planning to send me to in 2025 that will cost a mere $13,000 a year? Don't they know I'm a prodigy but will be a slacker genius who shuns test taking and traditional schooling but blossoms in college, thereby making me ineligible for any scholarships or grants but too compellingly intelligent to keep away from the realm of higher education for the possibility that I may be the one to find the cure to some horrific disease? I'm pretty sure Harvard will be around $213,000 per year by then. Mom had better get back to work real soon 'cause I was out working the truffle farm with her this morning and I'm not banking on that bringing in much...

Boy or girl???

2007-09-12T15:16:00.001-07:00

I took my mom to the doctor today. First I put her through a hellish night, though. It was revenge for her saying she's "over it" about hosting me for all this time. Really, it's not that nice to hear that you are wanted out of the only place you've ever called home just because someone is tired of carrying you around and having you suck the life out of them. It's not entirely my fault she's gaining weight, retaining water and has to pee every five minutes. She could eat and drink less if she really wanted to...And I won't even get into the things she has to say to me in the middle of the night while trying to situate her 123 pillows into some comfortable configuration. Don't think I don't know she scarfs down spicy food with no regard to my taste for it. Why do you think she eats so many Tums a day?

So what was the point of this post again? Oh yeah, we were at the doctor's office and the lady says, "You're having a girl?" This is the second time I've heard this while they are listening to my heartbeat. I guess girls have faster heartbeats than boys. I noted my mom got a little more excited when she heard this. I think she wants me to be a girl.

My parents were pretty adamant about not finding out what I am so even I don't know yet. Mom calls me "she" and Dad gets upset and says it would be better to call me "he" in case I'm a boy so I'm not confused about my sexuality later in life. Don't worry, Dad, I've seen you cross-dress in women's lingerie and be licked on the head by other similarly clad men so I doubt I'll be scarred for life by Mom calling me "she" instead of Lentil Bean every now and then. Then again, I may be scarred by you two constantly talking to me in strange voices and calling me Lentil.

Any predictions from folks who've seen me or Mom on what you think I'll be? Maybe we should start a pool or something to make it more sporting? I know the first thing I plan to do when I come out is look down and see what all the fuss is about.

Lentil Bean?!?!

2007-09-04T10:31:00.002-07:00

Hi there. That's me up in the picture. Cute, huh? Yeah, I'm still stuck in my mom's belly but I'm only staying here another six weeks at most. In the meantime, I'm getting bored rolling around in this confined space and decided it was time to get a blog like my mom has. I hear they are all the rage on the outside, although none of the other babies I've run into has one yet. Maybe I'm the first?

So, the issue today is that my parents have been calling me Lentil Bean for months. I blame the internet for my leguminous name. Apparently I was six weeks old when they found out about me, and my mom, internet geek that she is, found the Baby Center website that had this to say about me at six weeks:

Right now she's about the size of a small lentil bean (4 to 5 millimeters across).

Thanks, Baby Center. I guess I should be happy they didn't find out about me the week I was the size of a jumbo shrimp. That would be a tough one to pull off, especially since my dad carried lentil beans around in his pocket for weeks, handing them out and announcing the news. Have I told you I think they are a bit off?

Speaking of my parents, here is a picture of them getting married. Of course, I attended. Shoot, I'm the one that prompted the nuptials!!! I'm sure they are planning to thank me later. I like how my grandpa has a shotgun, don't you? I think he's going to be a fun one!They seem normal there, but you'll see that they aren't so well-behaved as we get to know one another better.

I've got to go punch my mom's bladder for a while, then I'll decide what I want for lunch and make her go get something like six packets of cocktail sauce and fried zucchini. It's amazing the power you have when you invade someone's body!

Expense	Start Age	End Age	Annual Cost
Housing
Food
Transportation
Clothing
Healthcare
Childcare/Education
Miscellaneous
College